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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a DVD player and a cow's anus? If you answered 'I don't know,' I'm certainly not letting you borrow any of **my** DVDs in the future!"

"I'm like a kid. People like me best when I'm quiet or sleeping."

"Why does the baker bake? Because he kneads the dough."

"Found an old Tom Jones CD and my underwear drawer flew wide open and all my undies threw themselves at my stereo."

"Me: Threesome? Wife: When pigs fly! Do I wish for flying pigs? Pro: Threesome Con: High bacon prices *has idea *starts building catapult"

"Called my Doctor, in a panic, serious difficulty ""passing"" urine. Turns out, it's just that I drive a shitty mini-van."

"You can fit fifty Mexicans in a van But I can fit six million Jews in my ashtray."

"What's another name for floor pie? 3."

"I don't want to be racist.... so stop trying to make me to take up competitive running!"

"I bet some of the Crusaders were just random guys who refused to admit that they were lost."