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Joke of the Day

"[Me narrating a documentary on spiders] OH GOD GROSS OH JESUS DISGUSTING THERE'S ONE ON ME RIGHT NOW ISN'T THERE OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD"

"Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!"

"I got an e-mail saying At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought, ""That's just spam."""

"""Hey, will you join us in our street protest?"" No thanks ""Why not?"" I actually love streets"

"Well, a wasp just flew into my house and I hope the fire department gets here soon."

"Algorithm A former vice president playing the drums"

"-Boss: ""Send me one of your funny tweets"" -Me: ""I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"" -Boss: ""Hahaha! Send me another one."""

"I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extreme handicapped. I'm calling it ""Fruits and Vegetables"""

"What is the difference between Trump and Hillary? She can't make America great again."

"What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli"