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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... ...so I bought her a bathroom scale."

"The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy."

"What do you call a semi truck owned by an Italian? That rig a Tonys."

"5-year-old: I can't finish my lunch. I don't feel good. Me: OK, then no ice cream. 5-year-old: I'm sick, not dead."

"what's big, black and looks good on a lawyer's neck? a doberman"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!"

"China has one of the largest manufacturing and exporting economies in the world. What product of theirs is most commonly exported? Newborn girls."

"""Hey man, the hot girl from class winked at me today!"" ""Really, bro?"" ""Yeah, with both eyes too!"""

"Cat with mental disorder The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder. She now have 45 lives."

"Me and Justin Trudeau have alot in common... We both hope our budget will balance itself"