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Joke of the Day

"5-year-old: I can't finish my lunch. I don't feel good. Me: OK, then no ice cream. 5-year-old: I'm sick, not dead."

"""I dropped my toothpaste""... ...he said, crestfallen."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?"

"Why is it called an ""almond"" in the tree but an ""amond"" when it falls to the ground? When it falls to the ground, it knocks the 'ell out of it."

"What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog? A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue."

"So a black kid asks his dad..."

"For all you Engineers out there; A statically indeterminate beam walks into a bar, the bartender asks: ""What do you want?"" The beam replies: ""Oh, just give me a moment."""

"Q)What is the condition when a cat loses it eye-sight after being beaten? A)Cat-a-rekt!"

"Welcome to Passive Aggressive Club. We all got here early, but you just take your time."

"I lost my mood ring... I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about this."