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Joke of the Day

"I got a job at the circus circumcising baby elephants. It pays peanuts, but the tips are huge."

"My wife is calling me Jeb Bush during sex Now I'll never come first."

"How did the mathematician treat his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil."

"Beware of TV. It has the power to turn things like storage, parking and cupcakes into wars."

"How do you keep a club exclusively for straight edgers? You weed out the rest"

"A vulture tries to get on an airplane with a raccoon under each wing. The pilot stops him saying, ""Sorry, you're only allowed one carry-on."""

"My wife heard it's seductive to bite her lip... I don't have the heart to tell her it's meant to be the bottom one."

"Can't believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack"

"I'm probably not the person to ask to talk to kids about the dangers of drugs seeing as my year on ecstasy was the BEST YEAR EVER."

"My four year old cousin told me: Home is where you can sit on the toilet as long as you want."