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Joke of the Day

"What baked treat shares its name with a gynaecological apparatus? Flapjacks."

"Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?"

"Are you the new English teacher? Yes I are."

"I wanted sleeve tattoos but keep it 'professional'. So now when I'm naked, it looks like I'm wearing a Brooks Brothers shirt with nipples."

"There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: ""don't"" and ""stop""."

"What does an Asian person say when asked, ""does the carpet match the drapes?"" I don't have a carpet; I have an Oriental rug."

"This is your brain- *holds out egg* This is your brain on drugs- *puts egg on ground, spins it while shining lazers on it*"

"Brain walks into a bar. or maybe was his name Brian? No, it was like bill or brad or something. Anyways that dude had the best weed."

"Sea World announced they're not going to breed Orcas in captivity anymore... So now the only whales you'll see in a theme park are the American women"

"I can really relate to eminem in ""8 mile"" because my moms spaghetti is really bad too"