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Joke of the Day

"There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat's pretty pissed"

"""You'll be visited by 3 ghosts."" ""Will they show me the true spirit of Christmas?"" ""No, they'll try to eat you."" Pac-Man Christmas Carol"

"I gave away all my dead batteries recently... ... free of charge, of course."

"After sex, a lot of people like to smoke a cigarette. As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. After all, in the bible it says ""if a man lies with another man, he should be stoned."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bab ! Bab who ? Bab Boone is a real ape !"

"Monica Lewinsky isn't voting for Hillary. The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth."

"The walk of shame: When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it."

"Yeah, cigarettes make you cool but they also take years off your life. Those are just two benefits."

"How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?"

"""What?""- pothead owl"