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Joke of the Day

"Why are politicians assholes so clean? Because all their shit comes out of their mouth!"

"Helen Keller walks into a bar Then a chair, then a table."

"What's the worst part about being a black jew You have to stand in the back of the oven"

"If a genie granted me 3 wishes I'd ask for unlimited wishes, then I'd probably take a nap"

"Women... are like hardwood floors. Lay 'em right the first time, and you can walk all over them for the rest of your life."

"My girlfriend complained that I never listen to her. At least that's what I think she said."

"What kind of salad dressing does a tree use?"

"I'm thinking of investing in a start-up company that produces religious icons. I guess you could say that I'm engaging in idol speculation."

"9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan"

"When discussing political party views in government today, my teacher asked ""How would a conservative view pornography?"" I muttered ""in high definition"" and now apparently *I'm wrong*"