60119

Joke of the Day

"This is Ray. http://i.imgur.com/BZfRQEt.png"

"Men couldn't be trusted with multiple orgasms. I've seen the mess they make with one."

"When you get to jail, challenge the biggest, baddest guy in there to rock, paper, scissors in front of all his friends"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face (There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)"

"Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks. Nine months if things go really wrong."

"[planning heist] LEADER: we can kill the alarm, but how do we get through the concrete wall? *everyone turns to look at the kool-aid man*"

"I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage."

"Can a cigar box? No, but a tin can."

"I came up with a great pirate joke, but my friend stole it. A cruel Arr-any, m'friends."

"REMINDER: Joe Biden is the only American vice president in the last 15 years who hasn't shot a friend in the face."