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Joke of the Day

"[1st day as undercover cop] *approaches drugdealer* Me: ""Yes hello I'd like to purchase one crack and two marijuanas please!"" *gets stabbed*"

"What did the dog say when he chased his tail? This is the end."

"A little poetry never killed anybody. But haiku keeps trying."

"What does Monsieur Homer say after spilling water on himself? D'EAU!"

"I like my women like I like my Isis victims. Topless. Remember, this is just a joke, so don't be offended. It's nothing to lose your head over."

"How would you call Hitler if he was a musician ? DJ Nocide."

"I'm so happy I finally tied the knot. Now I've just got to kick the chair she's standing on and I'm a free man!"

"A Jewish man had a son, who converted to Christianity. The man prayed to God, ""Oh Lord, my son has converted to Christianity! What should I do?"" And God replied, ""Yours too?"""

"If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta"

"The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today"