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Joke of the Day

"The more fanciful embroidery you have on the back pockets of your jeans, the less I value you as a person."

"What's it called when you jizz on a Spanish woman's face? Nutella."

"What was Hitler's favourite video game? Mein Kraft"

"Ruffled feathers ahead. What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner."

"""I probably shouldn't have said that out loud"" -a biography"

"MUGGER: give me ur wallet ME: stand back i have mace MUGGER: [sniffing] is this cookies-scented febreze"

"What is that red stuff on your face? I said to my older cousin what was that red stuff on his face. ""Where?"" He said. I said , as I was forming a punch then punch is fucking face. ""Right there."""

"Hey babe i wanted to marry you but i had to ask your dad first and he said yes so i guess i'm marrying your dad"

"Just met Darth Vader's corrupt brother. Taxi Vader"

"Drop a ring pop in front of him. If he picks it up and hands it back to you... Congratulations! You're engaged."