59824

Joke of the Day

"I forgot my joke about a lollipop... I swear it was on the tip of my tongue!"

"You guys hear about the antique shop owner who liked to have anonymous sex with menstruating women? Nobody could tell which period his dick was from."

"Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger cross the road? To **GET TO THE CHOPPA!!!**"

"What do you mean mom, how could my birth certificate be expired?"

"I miss the old days Nostalgia was better back then."

"The best writerly advice is to start each paragraph w ""Here's somethin for ya!"" as the reader is now engaged & will follow you anywhere"

"Letting Russia host the Winter Olympics feels a little bit like letting Voldemort host the Quidditch Cup."

"I told my Chinese friend that I like homemade gifts.... So for Christmas he gave me an iPhone, iPad and an iMac."

"I asked my secretary if she new the difference between a blow job and lunch she said no, so I offer to take her out to ""lunch""."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.."