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Joke of the Day

"Does anyone know if ISIS is hiring? I heard they offer new hires a company cell phone and/or car."

"My hope for you is that you someday find the end of your sentence"

"If you meet a woman who says your name with the same passion she says pumpkin spice latte you should marry her immediately"

"Make a fire with someone and they'll be warm for a night. Make a fire with someone and they'll be warm for the rest of their life."

"I heard about Buddhist monks who lit themselves on fire to protest prosucution Certainly one way to reach enlightenment"

"It's great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don't feel like listening to people anymore"

"A boy asks the teacher, ""what's infinity?"" Teacher: ""think of a number."" Boy: ""ok, I've got one."" Teacher: ""good, that's not it!"""

"3 women went to a bar... And they wanted to know how lose they are.. * The first one slid in a hotdog * The second slid in a cucumber * And the third one went down the bar stool"

"5yo: Can we go get a turtle? They're so cool! Me: Whats so cool about turtles? 5yo: They can breath thru their butts! Me: Grab your coat.."

"Leaving church just now, the priest shakes my hand and says ""Love your neighbor"" I said ""Me too Father, she's got some tits, huh!??"""