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Joke of the Day

"[restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I'll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep...um...Is cok...ok...Is...I...what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*"

"Did you hear about the Emu that was so big it was kicked out of the flock? Yeah, I heard it was ostrich-sized. (Credit to my Veterinary Student girlfriend)"

"What do you call a fake thong (flipflop)? A scandal!"

"What fundamental force compels physicists to go to work on Mondays? The week force."

"a quick zinger If your uncle jack helped you off a horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse?"

"Register for a new blender on your baby registry. It drowns out the crying and makes margaritas. You're welcome."

"Why did Jesus get a ticket? He tried to skip the Cross walk."

"Equality That's the joke."

"What is the difference between a sandwich and a baby? I don't have sex with the sandwich before I eat it !"

"People call me the most disoriented U-boat captain of the 20th century... Oops wrong sub."