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Joke of the Day

"What is it called when buckets of paint conspire with each other? A colour scheme."

"I tried fixing my muffler today... ...well, it's exhausting."

"Did you hear that Tom Brady is running for president? His platform is lowering inflation."

"25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. Which is really scary because that means that 75% are running around untreated."

"I was going to make a gay joke Butt fuck it..."

"I ceaselessly seek validation from strangers. No joke, but that's why there would be a joke in the first place."

"People often say to me... ""What are you doing in my garden?"""

"""on your left u see fred in camo, on your right is bertha, she has ridden many miles on that electric cart."" If walmart had tour guides."

"As a Lesbian... I like my men like I like my coffee- nowhere near my vagina."

"What's the difference between a toilet and a drummer? A toilet only has to deal with shit from one asshole at a time."