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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump is a presidential candidate I can relate to Both of us have fantasies with Trump's daughter"

"My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... ...either way he's full of shit."

"Before I say a wtc joke... On a scale of 9 to 11, how offended are you by it?"

"*gets toy out of packaging, earns engineering degree"

"How do Sesame Street characters reproduce? Big bird's eggs and ABCmen."

"A police officer found two kids walking the streets. One had a battery and the other had a firecracker. He charged one and let the other one off"

"She said she was turned on by men who took risks. So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen."

"My mom bought me a bottle of whiskey as a Xmas gift... She seemed a little upset that I said she should've mailed it ahead of her visit."

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a Broadway production about the world's greatest composers? I'll be Bach. Sorry."

"If you have streaks of purple, green or blue in your hair, I will try to eat that cotton candy off your head until you tell me to stop."