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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why everyone's complaining about chip card readers. I have bad credit."

"My friend called and said, "" on your drive over later please don't forget to bring all the ingredients for the Guacamole "". I said sure, there's only one problem..........I don't avocado."

"We can't really blame Donald Trump... I mean look at China; they built a wall and have almost no Mexicans."

"Great desert tip: Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl with fresh squeezed lime juice. Toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake."

"[1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?"

"This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister"

"An extremely close friend just confided in me that he likes comic sans. He is no longer my close friend."

"I bet the guy who invented fake dog shit was upset the name ""shampoo"" was taken"

"Why does the Little Mermaid where sea shells? Because she can't fit in B shells!"

"What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?"