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Joke of the Day

"Why did the twitter army lose all their battles? Because they kept retweeting."

"Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun."

"I want to write ""I miss you"" on a rock and throw it at your face so that you'll know how much it hurts to miss you."

"What's gray and can't fly? A parking lot."

"How did the writer pop the question? He per-prosed"

"I met the donkey from Numbers 22... He was a pretty cool guy... What? Did you expect him to be an ass?"

"A girl told me how hard it is for her to gain weight. I said it's hard for me NOT to. We had a good laugh & then I punched her in the face."

"Why did my Exotic Bird Startup Store fail? I didn't have enough seed money."

"I pulled the trigger on myself... now I'm triggered."

"I'm not sure which is worse: People who force their religion on you... Or Anyone who's ever said ""Oh it's because I'm a Virgo."""