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Joke of the Day

"I don't mind the NSA reading my Word documents. It means that at least someone will read the first draft of my novel."

"2016 got me like I had no expectations, still didn't meet my expectations."

"What beverage should you give someone who is publicly intoxicated? penal tea edit: to someone"

"Just read it Just reddit"

"I hear people complaining about their jobs a lot, well I'm a nurse and I touched six dicks yesterday And it was my day off"

"I asked my wife, "" why don't you tell me when you orgasm "" "" i don't like to call you when your at work """

"Why do people on acid listen to Dubstep? Because if they didn't drop the base it would be a neutral reaction and they wouldn't feel the psychedelic effects."

"I was just at the beach and heard someone yell ""Help! Shark!"" I am pretty sure that shark wasn't going to help him..."

"Why are there so many female archaeologists? Because women love digging up old shit."

"I exercise religiously. Which means I go running dressed as the Pope."