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Joke of the Day

"Why do people on acid listen to Dubstep? Because if they didn't drop the base it would be a neutral reaction and they wouldn't feel the psychedelic effects."

"I don't think people should throw stones in regular houses either."

"What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your girl back, you get your truck back, you may even get your dog back."

"What's Gandalf's favorite band? A Flock of Smeagols"

"I once thought about opening a place like T.G.I.Friday's, called C.L.I.Thursday's, but most guys wouldn't be able to find it from what I hear..."

"i was dating a hot air balloonist at least she let me down gently"

"How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ? Stacks !"

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead 911: Can you verify that he's dead? *gunshot* Me: Yep, he's dead"

"How come squirrels get a pass to bury whatever they want in the park but the cops go crazy when I try to bury one tiny bloody knife?"

"How do you get a bass player off of your porch? You pay for your pizza."