58461

Joke of the Day

"I accidentally ordered a grande at Dunkin Donuts so I had to just keep speaking spanish so they wouldn't think I was a snob."

"Q. What do you call 1000 heavily armed lesbians? A. Militia Etheridge"

"[Desert island] Me: JANE! Jane: What? M: It's a boat! J: HEEEEEEEEELP! Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats"

"I would make a joke here... ...but Amy Schumer doesn't need any more material."

"There's a new drink called the Sandy It's a watered down Manhattan."

"Q: What's a good place for water-skiing? A: A sloped lake."

"What do ghosts drink for Halloween? BOOOOZE!"

"Accidents Happen Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!"

"A man balks in a war He is discharged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking."

"I was thinking of inventing some chilli flavoured sun cream. But for now I've put it on the back burner."