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Joke of the Day
"Accidents Happen Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!"
Next Joke
"On the demolition teams last job... They did a bang up job"
"I THINK [boyfriend goes by] YOU'RE TOO [boyfriend goes by] YOUNG FOR ME [boyfriend goes by] -me breaking up w/ my boyfriend at the carousel"
"What do you call a blind, mentally handicapped, quadriplegic? You can call him whatever you want; it's not like he's going to get up and do anything about it."
"My girlfriends dad asked me what I do Apparently, ""your daughter"" wasnt the right answer"
"Capital letters are important. It can be the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn""... Stupid Firemen. [x-post /r/Christianity]"
"What is another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses! Merry Christmas everyone."
"What do Apple and Titanic have in common? They both killed Jack."
"Do you know that condoms have serial numbers on them? No? I guess you haven't rolled them down all the way."