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Joke of the Day

"Someone is yelling! The voice is familiar... How they rave and they rant! Is it Jackman? Or, Laurie? Hefner or Grant? - Horton Hears a Hugh"

"How do you drown a hipster? IN THE MAINSTREAM! Hahahaahhaahhaahha"

"What has two arms,two legs and eats ants? Uncles"

"""i wouldnt be caught dead"" someone throws a net over my dead corpse ""gotcha!!"" ""noooo"""

"*walk up to woman breastfeeding baby* Is this guy bothering you?"

"Be that Shopping Cart with the bad wheel. Go in your own direction no matter how hard someone try's to push you in theirs."

"When Snoop Dogg proposed He got down on bended knee, opened up a box with a ring in it and said: ""Marriage. Wanna?"""

"Sex therapists have invented a new long lasting, alcohol based, vaginal gel and lubricant. Campaigners have slammed the move saying it could lead to 24 hour minge drinking."

"I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said -Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?- -Yes officer but I wasn't going to be out that long.-"

"In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math. Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too."