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Joke of the Day

"What did 9/11 have in common with a lasagna? There was ground meat between the layers."

"Armadillos are quite expensive. They usually cost an arm and a leg."

"Like it or not... That's how Facebook works."

"I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold."

"Hey Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the sperm bank? He was caught drinking on the job."

"I phoned a local restaurant. I said, ""Hello, can I make a booking for tonight?"" They said, ""I'm sorry, we haven't got any tables."" ""That's ridiculous,"" I said. ""How do you serve the food?"""

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent! I'm not ashamed."

"What does Sean Connery say when he has to go number 2? ""I've got a shituation"""

"Why is New Jersey called the Garden State? Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house."

"I'm leaving for London tomorrow. It's going to be really weird Tweeting from the left hand side of the road."