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Joke of the Day

"HAIRDRESSER: *holding mirror* and the back? DRACULA: *nodding* um.. yeah.. sure.. great thanks"

"What's the fastest way to get to a woman's heart? A knife."

"Me: If you don't like my rules, maybe you can find a different mom. 4yo: *excitedly* Can we really do that?"

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, natural things... that money can buy. -Homeless man quoting Steve Martin."

"What if the cure for cancer is in the mind of someone who cant afford an education?"

"France and Italy Go to War. Who Wins? Neither. France Surrenders, and Italy Changes Sides."

"Interviewer: Your CV is a flip book of you setting things on fire. Me: Wrong. If you flip the pages the other way I'm putting the fires out."

"Did you hear about the midget, fortune teller who was wanted by the police? It was a small medium at large."

"Breaking News:Will.i.am has eye removed. Now he's just Will Am (I'm sorry it only works in speech form)"

"the good news is the doctor says I'm healthy as a horse, the bad news is she still uses large farm animals to describe me...."