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Joke of the Day
"Dang girl, are you a zombie? Cuz I'm bringing you back from the dead!"
Next Joke
"Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are."
"Why do Mexicans make refried beans? Ever heard of a Mexican doing something right the first time"
"[A giraffe walks into a scarf shop] *The managers eyes turn into dollar signs*"
"Nietzsche tells a joke. A man walks into a bar. The man sees himself sitting at a booth in the bar. The bar blinks out of existence. God is dead."
"Me: Make sure Jnr. gets straight A's...[slides envelope] Teacher: Is this what I think it is? Me:[nods] You can use it to send letters & stuff"
"There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops."
"What tribe is your bicep from?"
"Ciger: close but no cigar."
"You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard."