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Joke of the Day

"I didn't get that job I wanted testing invisibility potions. Apparently they don't hire blind people."

"Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?"

"Why could Neo from the Matrix never be a Christian? Because he has his own Hole-y Trinity -I'll see myself out"

"[in ambulance] ""Sir, do you know your blood type?"" ""Yeah [coughs & points to wound] red."""

"Did you hear about the two men who were arrested for stealing a calendar? They each got six months"

"Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl's hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that were out of napkins"

"How do you catch a polar bear? First dig an ice hole. Then put a whole bunch of little green peas on the outside, and when the polar bear comes to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole."

"Hey, look at the bright side... oh I'm sorry, YOU don't have one of those."

"I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far."

"We're pregnant? Why stop there couples? Why not we're constipated? Or we're on our period? Or we're disgustingly phony in public together?"