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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and an oompa loompa? If you are wise, you won't listen to him."

"What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken."

"Wife: I told you to baby proof the house! Me: I did. That baby has no chance if it comes in here. The bear traps will make sure of that."

"Why do electricians wear pants? Because they hate shorts."

"""Where do you see yourself in five years?"" In 2020."

"The Supreme Court is like regular court but with sour creme, guacamole and extra cheese."

"Teacher: welcome to health class Me: my friend said you can get a girl pregnant by kissing her? Teacher: sir please just mop the floor"

"My wife said to me ""If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"" I answered ""Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."""

"Since we're talking about Vampire jokes, here's my favorite. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month..."

"How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying. Retweaked joke: How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass? Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!"