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Joke of the Day

"one tectonic plated bumped into another... ""Sorry my fault"""

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"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tits a lot."
"A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, you know we've got a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper says.... ...Ralph?"
"What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels."
"Bad News: I'm back on Ambien. Good News: Side effects include the chance of hallucinations. Best News: Just ate lunch with Jesus."
"I just paid $4,000 to have a skywriter write ""Actually, Vanessa, YOU'RE the one who's being 'dramatic'."""
"you're all like ""haha interpretive dance what a humorous concept"" until you see a professional do it then you shit yourself with wonder"
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"I know exactly where I stand on the controversial issue of female on male rape. In the corner, with a video camera."
"If you worked for a tarp company your unveiling would be a cover up."