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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter. Well, I've got some news for her."

"What sound does a Nintendo Ambulence make? Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U."

"""Hitting it hard as shit"" and ""tickling the hole"" are not phrases that I would have associated with golf before today"

"Why was the big hairy two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one."

"Sorry I tweeted before texting you back. Sorry I opened your Snapchat but didn't respond. Sorry these are things we actually worry about now"

"When the internet is down I turn my bed into a make-believe boat and play Life of Pi with the cat"

"I googled your mom last night. I had to open two tabs."

"I've got a ""bun"" (baby) in the ""oven"" (oven)"

"Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. #badpickupline"

"You're never drinking alone if you nickname your ice cubes."