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Joke of the Day

"*waiter lays down my plate* ""Can I get u anything else?"" U CAN GET ME HAPPY FACE PANCAKES LIKE I ORDERED, U FUC- *he rotates my plate* oh ok"

"Bought a new boomerang today Having trouble throwing my old one away"

"PEDIATRICIAN: This could sting a little. KID: Okay. PEDIATRICIAN: One day the sun will envelope the earth and we will all turn to dust."

"purposely bought tall lace up boots so I'll never have to be anywhere on time again"

"My husband grew a beard and suddenly I'm having to karate chop every woman we pass."

"dont call my cell phone unless i know you and really even if i know you dont call my cell phone"

"Islam is the religion of peace a peace of you over here and a peace of you over there"

"[lumberjack interview] BOSS: I'm gonna ""axe"" you a few questions. Haha do you get it? ME: Yeah I ""saw"" that coming BOSS: Ooo welcome aboard!"

"Facebook sent me a notification....unfortunately, my meth lab on Farmville blew up."

"What do you call it when a Bulgarian uses vulgar language? A Bulgarity."