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Joke of the Day

"*rises out of ball pit* thanks for agreeing to meet me here"

"*CRASH* *THUMP* *SCREAM* *Husband runs into bedroom* H: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY? Me: Yeah. Just taking off my sports bra."

"A fool proof way to never feel lonely. If you're ever feeling lonely, watch a horror movie. You won't feel alone anymore."

"Cats are about as useful as a football bat."

"Which state has the smallest sodas? Minesoda"

"A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him. His neighbor is curious & asks, ""Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"" The man replies, ""You ever tried pushing it?"""

"How do Jedis close their programs on a Mac? They use Force quit."

"Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals."

"Have you heard of the newest study? Experts say that 82% of people believe what is said in make-believe studies when they claim that they are confirmed by experts."

"4 out of 5 dentists agree my cousin Sheila is remarkably ugly."