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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says ""I'm a shitty parent but at least I'm rich"" like giving your 2 year old an iPad."

"Did you hear the one about the vegan butcher? Did you hear the one about the vegan Butcher? He only cuts the cheese."

"A human cannonball for the circus retired after 35 years of service. When asked if the man would be replaced, the owner of the circus said, ""No, only because it's hard to find a man of that caliber."""

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? The fridge doesnt fart when i pull my meat out"

"Whenever I'm tempted to talk shit to a perfect stranger on Reddit I always remember my mother's wise words: ""Shut your fucking mouth, no one cares what you think."""

"What do you call a person who whores themselves out for spaghetti? A Pastatute"

"[Old joke alert] Why are dwarfs so depressed? Because six out of seven dwarfs aren't happy."

"In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now."

"I saw some things at the auction labeled ""Art Objects"" Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too"

"No autocorrect, I don't want to bang a bunch of hot chimps."