57282

Joke of the Day

"[on deathbed - calls for son] "".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."""

"Why did the girl fall off the swing? coz she has no arms."

"A policeman just knocked on the door. He said, ""It looks like your wife has been in an accident..."" I said ""Yes but she has a great personality!"""

"Talk to your doctor about Chillaxin (Side-effects include incontinence, hallucinations, drooling, naps, shy dooky & death)"

"What did Dorothy do to the mean Asian Munchkin? She swallowed the yellow prick's load."

"A man walked into a hospital with 8 plastic horses in his rectum. They described his condition as ""stable"""

"The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet."

"Why are there whiteboards standing out in each class in school? Because they are remarkable!"

"""Oh my god! That guy's dead! Oh wait, he's totally fine."" (someone watching soccer for the first time)"

"Did you guys hear about the new cocaine dealer in town? I hear he comes highly recommended."