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Joke of the Day

"What is the best definition of irony? irony irne/ noun a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result."

"wife: its ruining date night me: its ruining date night because you're letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: just drop me off on the corner"

"When watching Michael Jackson's coffin being pushed away by the Jackson Brothers, was anybody else reminded of those two words... Cool Runnings."

"Why are life long overweight people funny? Growing up they hear the best jokes."

"If I am farther than you in candy crush I will automatically think im smarter than you."

"When is a dog not a dog? When it is pure bread. Told to me by a friend."

"Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early evenings and no one can figure out why...? Failure to Lunch?"

"*Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] ""OH MY GOD"" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]"

"Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend? Because every day is a sadder-day."

"I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!"