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Joke of the Day
"I'm throwing a party for people who can't ejaculate... Tell me if you can come."
Next Joke
"My mother never attempted to wean me off of breast feeding. Just cut me off entirely one day... ...as if that first year of college wasn't difficult enough."
"Religion is like farts... Everyone likes the smell of their own, but not someone doing it in their face. Hope it hasn't been said before :)"
"It was Christmastime, and everyone was feeling merry.. ..so she went home. ---- I know it works better when spoken. My grandpa used to say this line every Christmas. RIP Tata, you made reddit."
"Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey... ...along came a spider that sat down beside her and said, ""what's in the bowl, bitch?"""
"dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says ""Craftsman"" dad: me: Are you crying?"
"It's that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids."
"A man is put on trial for committing mass genocide against the people of Scotland. It looked like he would be in prison for life... ...but he got off Scot-free."
"Chuck Norris checks his facebook on a typewriter."
"I'm doing my own taxes so I'll probably be in jail this time next year."