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Joke of the Day

"I'm probably moving back to my home country if Trump gets elected. Not by choice either."

"What would George Washington do if he was alive today? Probably get suffocated in his collapsed coffin"

"Someone should invent padded underwear for men to get back at women for wearing pushup bras"

"What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller."

"Dark humor is like food... ...Not everyone gets it."

"When a bull wants to listen to a cassette what does he put on his head? Steer phones!"

"Does anyone know how much a blimp is worth? I was going to google it, but I was worried it wouldn't account for inflation."

"""The greatest thing about twitter is that you can quote something & totally make up the source."" ~ Abraham Lincoln, 1862"

"[first date] -so how do you feel about octopus? Her: I like em -Whew! [lets other six arms fall out of shirt]"

"I tried to start a band called ""999 megs""! Never did get a gig :("