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Joke of the Day

"The best things in life are free. Stealing is awesome."

"What was hitler's favorite topic in math? Aljewbra"

"Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova? Caesar said:""I came, I saw, I conquered."" Casanova said:""I saw, I conquered, I came."""

"my New Years resolution is to stop making stupid New Years resolutions. I failed."

"Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window"

"Dave: I don't want to sound stupid.... Me: Then stop right there and say nothing."

"There are three kinds of people in the world... The ones that know how to count and the ones that dont"

"Starting a new job today. I'm not sure what company, but it's wherever this lady with the giant box of donuts is going."

"My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot recently Last night she threw a lettuce at me. That's just the tip of the iceberg."

"[walks into Halloween party with a hot dog taped to my head] ""What are you supposed to be?"" ME: I'm not wearing a costume"