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Joke of the Day

"Some people say filling animals with helium is wrong but i say, whatever floats your goat"

"What do you do in 5 minutes that you then suffer for for 9 months? A school application."

"You want to know a ironic statement? My mom was a cancer and she was killed by a giant crab."

"My father has the heart of a lion... And also a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"Taken 4: How does this shit keep happening"

"Do you know if pigs have periods?' Are you kidding me? What idiot would keep a pig until she's 14?'"

"I started two diet plans today Because one wasn't enough to fill my appetite."

"[Heart: Tell her her eyes are windows into eternity, filled with fire... Brain: Beacons, stars in a vast darkness] Mouth: HEY GREAT EYEBALLS"

"Whats the difference between a woman and a plate? You can lick a plate dry"

"When do Astronauts eat? Launch Time"