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Joke of the Day

"Donald has special needs. His small hands fit perfectly around our new shovel model. '8:D' Only today. Only here."

"Where would you find an algebraic Sailors hat? Indice"

"What's the difference between feminism and Islam? One is demonized by the actions and beliefs of a small minority. The other believes in the wage gap myth."

"Trump has just been debriefed about the aliens in area 51 he wants them deported immediately"

"My doctor said that she thinks I have irritable bowel syndrome. I'm not surprised, I irritate everyone else so it makes sense that my bowels would be sick of my shit."

"911: What's your emergency, sir? Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*"

"Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?"

"Turns out if you scream for no reason long enough, you get the rest of the day off from work."

"One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking."

"Me: Someone broke into the business next door last night. Coworker: Wasn't the building alarmed? Me: Buildings don't get scared. CW....."