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Joke of the Day

"Excuse me, are you interested in courses on ancient Egypt? I promise it's not a pyramid scheme."

"How did Skrillex get Potassium Hydroxide all over the floor? He dropped the base."

"My secret to sleeping is I put my bed outside When I go to bed I'm always out cold"

"Witnessed the birth of my cousin's first child... She said we should've used a condom"

"How does a fallopian tube take its eggs? (Ovaries Z)"

"The kids at school used to call my mum the village bike She wasn't promiscuous; when I was six years old she went missing and they found her in the canal. (Mat Ewins)"

"A female plumber? Yeah, I'd tap that."

"I caught up with my old English teacher. ""What's new?"" he asked. I said, ""An adjective."""

"The first thing I'm doing with my time machine is telling my past self to only microwave popcorn for 2 minutes max."

"Accidentally brushed my teeth with hemorrhoid cream ...but at least my asshole smells minty fresh"