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Joke of the Day

"I need a new therapist. After a long session with my therapist describing all my various problems, she asked if I'd ever considered suicide. When I said no, she replied ""Well, you should."""

Next Joke
 
"Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You'll know what I mean."
"If I could have sex with any historical figure it would be Marie Antoinette. I hear she gives good head."
"Wife: DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS? Husband: ? *Wife storms out room* Husband: Happy Valsenbirthery?!"
"What's the similarity between a blonde and a tornado? In the beginning there's a lot of sucking and blowing but then she takes half your house"
"Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake. Lady: then why dint you tell me when I was removing my clothes? Officer: well, that's not prohibited."
"What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole? Barack Obama's Tie"
"What is a mortician's favorite side dish? Gravy"
"""Now officer, hear me out: alcohol is a depressant and cocaine is a stimulant. Therefore, mixed in equal parts, I'm basically sober!"""
"90% of parenting older kids is making sure they're not in the same room when they have to do homework."