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Joke of the Day

"""Now officer, hear me out: alcohol is a depressant and cocaine is a stimulant. Therefore, mixed in equal parts, I'm basically sober!"""

"What do you do when you see a space man? Park your car, man."

"What do a Typhoon and Aquaman have in common? They both come in waves. Context: In Taiwan at the moment, thought of this while watching motorcycles get knocked over by wind."

"Halloween is the only day of the year you can ask someone ""what are you supposed to be?"" without triggering an existential crisis."

"5 out of 6 scientists feel Russian Roulette is safe"

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 30 years."

"The full time football result is in: Real Madrid - 4... Surreal Madrid - fish"

"What did the man in a rush say to his bowel movement? ""I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT."""

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Hi i need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now."

"What did the blind man say to his estranged friend? ""Long time, no see."""