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Joke of the Day

"Sorry, ladies; I've never had a period. Can't relate. Had a semicolon once, after being hit by a bus, so I feel like that was pretty close."

"So they say rubbing the Buddha statue's belly gives you good luck... ...imagine if you sucked his dick."

"When they say, ""life is like a box of chocolates"", what they really mean is, ""life is like a box of shit disguised as chocolates""."

"My wife and I have lists for people we'd make exceptions for... I have one for midgets but it's a small list."

"how to beat an egg: - literally pick any game you want, they dont even have hands"

"Visitor: You're very quiet Jennifer. Jennifer: Well my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose."

"Saw an ad for a used battery in the paper today: ""Slightly rusty, in need of repair but has potential"""

"Have you seen the movie about a lone piece of graph paper? The plot was a bit scattered."

"It was reported that listening to the band Queen links to giving you autism... It's because of the high Mercury content."

"Damn girl, are you today's date? Because you are 10/10"