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Joke of the Day

"Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a meteorologist. Now, I've got 3 weather apps on my phone. Living the dream, people."

"Q: Why doesn't Bill like old houses? A: He's afraid of the draft."

"Did you hear about the author who wrote a book during her time of the month? It was a period piece."

"Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they'd been floored by his punch."

"A: My bag is getting heavier B: Why? A: Because I don't smoke... B: How does it matter?? A: ""It ain't got any lighter"""

"If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!"

"I just baptized a bale of hay and now I have a Christian Bale."

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance We'll see about that"

"What did the Eskimo say to his wife when she suggested a threesome? ""I'm Inuit."" Credit goes to R. Ebeltoft."

"I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people."