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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a dully dressed man on a bicycle? A tire."

"A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls"

"I won a waterfight with the local kids at the park. No ones a match for me and my kettle!"

"What do boobs and margaritas have in common? One is not enough and three is to many"

"All I want for Christmas is my own perfume commercial where I say random words like 'hope' and 'passion' & look like a date rape victim."

"I can't stop watching myself on this Walgreens surveillance monitor. Crazy how the camera adds 40 pounds and a limp!"

"Just found out today that the barber of my neighborhood got arrested for selling drugs. I'm shocked! I was his customer for years and didn't know he cut hair!"

"Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!"

"I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win. Unfortunately, no-pun-in-ten-did."

"Me: You've dimmed the lights already, aren't we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen."