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Joke of the Day
"Programmed Siri to respond to any request with ""That's what she said."""
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"Would you slap your cousin for $1,000,000? I'd do it for free, bitch."
"What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper."
"Public transportation not only helps the environment, it also makes you hate the human race"
"A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is always two away from a threesome."
"Why were the flies playing football in saucer ? They where playing for the cup !"
"That whole Ray Rice elevator incident... took him to the lowest level."
"Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snow bank."
"What's the fastest game in the world? Pass the Parcel in a Belfast Pub."
"It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with"