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Joke of the Day

"How do you recycle a condom? You turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it"

"How come the Government knows when I don't file my taxes, and when I leave the country, and when I take a shit - but still needs a census?"

"What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car? CELINE WUT R U DION"

"What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull!"

"I remember the first time I ever masturbated... ... it was a seminal moment."

"Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights? Because he was soda-pressing"

"*First day as drug dealer* *Giggles* ""coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"" *gets stabbed*"

"Feminist I don't understand why women want to be equal when they could be better. That shows a lack of ambition to me. Which is why men are better."

"How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars? ""Well... If it's any constellation..."""

"What's the difference between a dead baby and my ex-girlfriend? There isn't one..."