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Joke of the Day

"Just lean back in your chair and say ""caloric"". It's exhilerating."

"Did you hear? Oxygen and Magnesium are dating. When I found out I was like OMg!"

"My wife wanted me to buy something that goes to 200 in one second flat. So I bought her a bathroom scale."

"What do you call a big beefy doctor who also studies the weather in his spare time? A Meaty-urologist. ^^Don't^^shoot^^me^^..."

"When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this."

"My grandfather has the heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from the zoo"

"Why can't a T-Rex clap? Because it's dead."

"I'm the flower, you're the bee. Why don't you suck the sweet pollen right out of me?"

"Sometimes when I say ""I'm OK"", what I really want is for someone to give me a hug, say ""You're not OK"" and hand me $10,000."

"Anyone know a good roofer? Nevermind, the glass ceiling didn't get smashed..."