56153

Joke of the Day

"The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I'm 100% sure there's a murderer in my bathroom."

"This yogurt is so cultured, I can only eat it when I'm listening to Beethoven."

"I am 48 and my wife is 8 months pregnant. am i too old to be a dad?"

"Why doesn't ISIS Like School? Because they always bombed their tests."

"They told me to dress for the job I want, not for the job I have. They fired me the next day because I dressed for a blowjob. I'll show myself out..."

"Have you ever heard of movie Constipation? No?? Because it still hasn't come out yet."

"[spelling bee] Your word: Spelunking ""U-N-K-I-N-G"""

"What do giants and strippers have in common? They both grind on bones to make their bread."

"Why women live longer than men? Because shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying bills does."

"*writing resume* Strengths? I'm great at multitasking *explosion in kitchen* My popcorn! *car crashes through fence* I forgot I was driving!"